Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

Published: November 25, 2022

Chapter 7 - Receiving Empathically

The two parts of NVC:

Empathy: emptying our mind and listening with our whole being.
Ask before offering advice or reassurance.
Intellectual understanding blocks empathy.
No matter what others say, we only hear what they are (1) observing, (2) feeling, (3) needing, and (4) requesting.
Listen to what people are needing rather than what they are thinking.
When asking for information, first express our own feelings and needs.
Reflect back messages that are emotionally charged.
Paraphrase only when it contributes to greater compassion and understanding.
Behind intimidating messages are merely people appealing to us to meet their needs.
A difficult message becomes an opportunity to enrich someone’s life.
Paraphrasing saves time.
When we stay with empathy, we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.
We know a speaker has received adequate empathy when (1) we sense a release of tension, or (2) the flow of words comes to a halt.
We need empathy to give empathy.

Empathy allows us “to reperceive [our] world in a new way and to go on.”
“Don’t just do something….”
It’s harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources.
The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel.
We “say a lot” by listening for other people’s feelings and needs.
Rather than put your “but” in the face of an angry person, empathize.
When we listen for feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters.
It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us.
Empathizing with someone’s “no” protects us from taking it personally.
To bring a conversation back to life: interrupt with empathy.
What bores the listener bores the speaker too.
Speakers prefer that listeners interrupt rather than pretend to listen.
Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind it.
Empathy lies in our ability to be present.